I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
