Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
