Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
