omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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