were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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