even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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