the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
