Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
