i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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