Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im holly from the hills drunk
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
