Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
