I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
