are you so shy because you have an std?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
