I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
