i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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