Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
