My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
