I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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