bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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