so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
