I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize