What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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