The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
