It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
