I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
