This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The best revenge is premature balding
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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