hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
