dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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