I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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