I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize