Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
