She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm always down for nudity.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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