I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
