evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
