you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
3 2 1 whiskey
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
