I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
