martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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