hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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