Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
