god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
