Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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