Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
