Can Purell be used as lube?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
