I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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