"it" just moved
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
