it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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