I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
