she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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