when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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