if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
