He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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