Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
