the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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