I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I look better un-naked...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
