hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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