Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
