There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
