wanna go halves on a baby?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
