dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
