a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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