Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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