Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
NoShamevember. You game?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
