I want you more than these girls want KFC
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
