Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
