So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize