Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
