I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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