i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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