did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
