I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize