giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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