The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I looked at my own cervix.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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