Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize